Still searching for motivation

A combination of life and lack of motivation has really gotten to me this week.  First off, it was a busy week for me, work-wise.  Also back-to-school stuff including shopping, attending open house, filling out mountains of paperwork, etc.  And this damn heat is still kicking my ass and making me feel as energetic as a damn dishrag.

 But that’s all just a lot of bullshit, really.  I let myself use all of the above as excuses to skip the gym and eat a lot of crap and now I’m really feeling the ill effects.

 I did make it to the gym today for the first time in a week, but I was so off my game I only managed 20 minutes on the treadmill before I had to call it quits.  I was actually feeling nauseated.

Food-wise, I also made some atonements today (standard shredded wheat/soymilk breakfast, big spinach salad for lunch), but my eating habits this week have been largely awful.  It all started with that damn Butterfinger Crisp bar last Sunday.  I wanted something sweet and that caught my eye while I was at Blockbuster.  I misread the label and didn’t think the fat/calories/sat-fat sounded all that bad, so I bought it.  After I’d eaten it I re-read the label and saw that the nutritional info was for 1 serving – and 1 bar contained 2 servings.  So I was pissed and irritated because I hadn’t even enjoyed it all that much.  And that’s what really set the mood for the crappy food & exercise week I had.

Here’s hoping that today was a better start to a better week…

Looking up…

Yesterday was the culmination of several “down in the dumps” days.  But today I’m feeling so much better.  I realized last night that I hadn’t felt so blah, irritable and lethargic since…well…since I was eating crap and not working out.  And what had I been doing for the past several days?  Eating crap and not working out!  Hello!  Talk about a wake-up call!  That particular ‘light bulb’ did wonders for my mood and I woke up today feeling so much better – so much more empowered – about the healthy eating & exercise journey. 

So I made it to the gym, did 30 minutes on the treadmill, and then hit the supermarket salad bar for lunch.  Yeah, I went in hot and sweaty and didn’t care who saw me – my body was screaming for vegetables and I wasn’t going to ignore it any longer.  I made the most kick ass salad ever – steamed asparagus, steamed broccoli, artichoke hearts, sundried tomatoes, roasted garlic cloves, baby corn, grilled chicken, feta cheese, and little sesame stick crunchy things.  I brought this home and made it into a “real” salad with the baby spinach leaves I already had, then topped it with Tangy Tomato & Bacon dressing.   It was one of the most utterly satisfying meals in recent memory.  And the best part, I only used half my “toppings” from the salad bar, and still have plenty of baby spinach and dressing, so I have enough for another huge salad again tomorrow! 

It’s funny how my body will tell me exactly what it needs if I’m just willing to listen to it.  Like for the past several days, I’ve been craving peanut butter.  Not PB&J, not peanut butter cookies, etc., just plain old peanut butter.  So that’s what I’ve been eating, out of the jar, on a spoon.  I haven’t needed much at one time – just a teaspoon or two – but there have been 5 or 6 little bouts of that in the past few days.  Frankly, apart from breakfast, the peanut butter has probably been the healthiest thing I’ve eaten in days.  Still haven’t figured out why I’m craving it, but I figure it will ease down on its own once my body has gotten whatever it is it needs.

Losing Motivation

I’ve said from the beginning, this is about health, not weight loss.  I no longer believe the two necessarily go hand-in-hand.  Still, without something tangible to show for my efforts, it’s damn hard to keep the motivation level up.

I skipped the gym 3 days in a row this week.  I finally made it back there today, but it felt like drudgery.  And, even though I haven’t stepped on the scale (and won’t allow myself), I admit to at least HOPING my pants would get a little looser.  Nope.

So I’m having these internal dialogues with myself about food – should I eat this?  Can I have that?  Am I getting enough ABC without too much of XYZ?  Yeah, I’m pretty much eating what I like and not depriving myself too much – nor am I eating with wild abandon – but even the “happy medium” just feels like tedium lately.  Did I eat enough fiber and vegetables today?  No?  Shit.  Well, what can I choke down to meet my goal?  Crap like that. 

Then outside forces pop up and drive my motivation even further down.  Like today.  My daughter wasn’t feeling well and was napping when I left for the gym.  When I got out, there was the most pitiful message from her on my cell phone – “Mommy, I miss you!  When are you coming home! I’m hungry for lunch so would you please call me if you might bring me something?”  So of course I called, and of course she wanted something from a drive-thru.  And, truth be told, I had been thinking about where I could stop for lunch through my entire workout.  Hey, it was lunch time and I was hungry, but my main concern was grabbing something healthy that was a) on the way home and b) drive-thru accessible, because I knew I’d be hot and sweaty and didn’t feel like having anyone see me.  You see, that’s another fat-girl thing I have – not wanting to contribute to the sweaty, sloppy fat-people stereotype.  Even coming straight from the gym, when most everyone is sweaty and sloppy, I’m too uncomfortable to be seen in public.  But I digress.  Daughter wanted Arby’s, so I went to Arby’s.  My roast beef sandwich & curly fries was indeed tasty, but it’s so not what my body was craving.  I was really craving something like a big salad but a) fast food salads suck and b) see above, I wasn’t setting foot INSIDE anywhere.

And then there’s dinner.  Mom was cooking.  (Did I ever mention my daughter and I live with my parents?  OK, well, we do.)  Now I do almost all of the shopping and about 1/2 the cooking, but tonight wasn’t one of my nights.  Mom told me what we were having – chicken tenders, mashed potatoes, and a veggie.  She asked if I had any requests for the veggie.  Being rather unmotivated about all things food and health right now, I replied, “No, just a veggie.  Whatever.”  Bad move.  Because she invariably picked the ONE kind of vegetable in the house that I absolutely can’t stand – canned peas.  I admit I kind of reamed her out over that one.  ”Mom, when I said ‘a veggie’ I figured you understood that to mean a veggie that I WOULD EAT.  Just as if you told me to just cook ’a meat’ I wouldn’t assume that to mean that it was suddenly OK to cook liver for you when I know you despise it!”  (And now you know why I spent my entire childhood and most of my adulthood hating vegetables.  Because, to my mom, vegetables began and ended with a can opener – and peas were king.) So I ate chicken and mashed potatoes.  No veggie.  I guess I could have rooted around in the kitchen for another vegetable to cook/heat up, but I just wasn’t interested in  making the effort.  More lack of motivation.   

So yeah, I’m feeling rather blah about the whole thing this week.  I realize, intellectually, that healthy eating and fitness is a process, not a destination.  But right now I don’t even feel like I have a tangible, realistic destination to look forward to, and that’s making the whole damn process feel pointless. 

Healthy Food Relationship?

Saturday & Sunday Food & Exercise:

Saturday exercise: Treadmill, 30 mins, 2.4 mph.  I also ramped it up to 2.8 mph for the last 2 minutes – but I know that’s still too fast for me to maintain for any length of time.

Sunday: none

Saturday & Sunday breakfast: Bowl of Quaker Oatmeal Squares w/ Silk Vanilla Soymilk PLUS Fiber

Saturday Lunch: Regular size Quizno’s Baja Chicken Sub, hold the mayo.  (Wheat sub roll, grilled chicken, cheddar cheese, bacon, spicy bbq sauce)  Bowl of sherbet.

Saturday Dinner: Chinese takeout.  Beef & Broccoli, white rice, roast pork lo mein.  Bought quart size of both entrees, and split everything into 4 servings. 

Saturday snacks: 3 Krispy Kreme glazed doughnuts.  Lots of Crystal Light.

Sunday Lunch: Barbaritos Char-Grilled Salad w/ spinach instead of lettuce.  Baby spinach leaves, grilled chicken, black beans, shredded Jack cheese, pico de gallo.  Fat-free balsamic dressing.  As I said I would, I switched up my usual salad and got it with chicken and fat free dressing this time.  It made a fantastic salad into nothing special.  Since my “regular” version of the salad is still pretty healthy (steak and small amount of spicy ranch dressing), I’m going back to it. 

Sunday Dinner: Healthy Choice smoked sausage (1/4 package), corn on the cob, canned green beans w/ potatoes (it’s a southern thing).  Bowl of Edy’s Light ice cream. 

Snacks: Garlic bagel chips (I’m out of hummus now).  Bowl of 2% cottage cheese w/ Black Pepper Triscuits.  Lots of Crystal Light to drink.

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I want to have a healthy relationship with food – the kind I imagine most people to have (whether that’s a true or false ideal, I don’t know). But I want to be able to eat what my body tells me its hungry for, without guilt, without restricting, but without wild abandon, too.  In other words, a happy medium.  (Sound familiar?) 

Like Saturday’s doughnuts.  I dropped off some movies at Blockbuster on Saturday night.  Right next to Blockbuster is Krispy Kreme, and their “Hot Now” sign was on.  I really wanted some doughnuts, but I denied myself.  I drove home telling myself I didn’t need them, they weren’t good for me, etc.  In other words, dieting and restricting again.  I was almost home when I turned the car around and announced to my daughter we were going back to Krispy Kreme, much to her delight.  She’d been unaware of this internal dialogue, of course.  Why SHOULDN’T I have doughnuts if I want them?  It’s not like I’m making a steady diet of them.  In fact, I can’t even remember the last time I had them.  And since I’m the only one who ever buys them, why should I deprive my family (daughter, elderly parents) of such a treat?  As long as I’m balancing the empty foods with healthy foods, and taking in more healthy foods overall, there’s no reason why I should restrict myself.   

My Mom

Friday Food & Exercise:

Treadmill, 30 mins, 2.4 mph

Breakfast: Bowl of Quaker Oatmeal Squares w/ Silk Vanilla Soy Milk PLUS Fiber

Lunch: Tuna/Spinach Panini – 1/2 package Starkist Sweet & Spicy Tuna, handful of baby spinach leaves, shredded cheddar cheese (about 1/2 oz.) grilled in a Flat Out high fiber wrap.  Bowl of sherbet.

Dinner: Shrimp, rice, spinach & mushroom skillet dish.  The recipe looked great, but the finished product was just bland and blah.  I definitely won’t be making this one again.  Ice cream sandwich for dessert.

Misc. “for my health” foods:  Glass of red wine, 3 dark Hershey’s kisses.

Snacks:  2 slices “Cinnamon Swirl” bread – 1 by itself when it came out of the oven,  and 1 at bedtime with a glass of Soy Milk (same kind as for breakfast).  This is really more cake than bread – it’s a quick bread mix, like banana bread.  Yummy, yummy stuff, though.  Cheap, too – it’s a WalMart brand mix, and cost about 88 cents a box. 

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I love my mom.  And, after the kind of reading I’ve been doing over the past few week, I love her even more.  I started with Rethinking Thin – lots of great information, but a rather dry read.  Then I moved on to Fat!So?, which was fantastically entertaining, informative and just plain funny.  Now I’m on Losing It, but it’s so dry and boring I’ll probably just end up skimming.  And then there are the fat acceptance blogs – Kate Harding, The Rotund, and so many others.  Smart, talented, wickedly funny women whom I envy for their sharp wit, keen insight, and monumental writing talent.  They say the things about fat, being fat, and fat-hating idiots that I only wish I could come up with – and I find myself laughing and/or becoming enraged right along with them.

The thing that all these sources have in common, however, is the overwhelming presence of fat-hating, although often well-meaning, parents.  Contributor after contributer (often “commentor” on the blogs) tell parental horror stories where mothers insulted, belittled, and berated them for being fat.  These mothers dragged them to doctors, subjected them to endless diets and weigh-ins, and generally let them know they were unworthy and unloveable as they were.

Not. My. Mom. Ever.

My mother is tiny.  She wears a size 2 petite and weighs under 110 lbs.  At one point, about 10 years ago, her weight dipped below 100 and she had to struggle to bring it back up. I recently took her to the doctor’s and saw a BMI chart on the wall.  According to it, Mom’s BMI is about 17 – fashion model range.   (Totally irrelevent to this particular entry, but monumentally relevent to my size: I am adopted.  My sister, who was not, has the exact same body type as our mother.  She wears a size 4.  They are both very small-framed, almost frail on top.  Narrow shoulders, small busts, long tiny waists, and any little bit of weight they carry is in their bottoms and thighs.)

Now you’d think that as such a thin woman, with such a thin daughter already, she’d be a prime candidate for fat-hating and fat-phobia.  But not my mom.  I began to get fat as a preschooler.  Doctors cluck-clucked over it, but my mother never gave them any credence.  I know a few of them wanted to put me on diets at very young ages (I was fat, not deaf), but she was having none of that.  She simply didn’t think it was healthy for a growing child, even though she was years ahead of the medical community in her beliefs.  She continued to feed me good, healthy food as she always had, encouraged me to be active (swim team, cheerleading), and didn’t treat me any differently because of it.

In fact, there were times I wasn’t even sure my mother understood that I was fat.  You’d certainly never know it by the way she spoke to me.  I sure as hell got it from everywhere else in my life – doctors, kids, other adults, etc.  Every fat kid knows that adults EVERYWHERE somehow think it’s their right – hell, their DUTY – to inform fat kids that they’re fat. But not my mom. The closest she ever came to any sort of depracating remark was when I hit my teens and she didn’t like whatever it was I’d chosen to wear.  If it was unflattering to me, she’d say so, nicely.  And once I gave myself an honest appraisal in the mirror, I usually concluded she was right.  But never once were the comments even remotely related to, “You’re too fat to wear that.” More like, “That’s not so flattering on you.  You have other outfits you look much better in.” 

When I was too fat to wear kids clothes anymore, or even regular juniors sizes, she took me to the plus-sized shops without embarassment.  And she shared my dismay that there was absolutely nothing fun or youthful about those clothes. They were old, ugly and dowdy, for 50 year olds, not teen girls.  So she found me a seamstress.  This lady let me bring her pages I ripped from Seventeen and made me exactly what I wanted, in my size. God only knows how much that cost, but Mom bore it quietly.

Mom looked out for my best interests, even when I wasn’t able to do it myself.  I remember some crazy weight-loss schemes I wanted to try – often with some quack’s full approval.  (Jaws wired shut, anyone?)  Mom always put her foot down, sometimes against hysterical begging and pleading on my part.  You see, while I may have been willing to risk my health and life just to be thin, Mom wasn’t. 

She did go along and let me try the more “reasonable” diets, once I hit my teens.  Weight Watchers, Nutri-System, etc.  God only knows how much money she plunked down on my behalf, without complaint. And when those diets failed – as they all did – she never expressed shame, anger or even disappointment in me.  She still loved me, she knew I’d done my best, and I was always beautiful to her.

That’s the key thing, I think.  I was always beautiful to her.  I still am.  Whether I weigh 100 or 200 or 300 lbs, my mother loves me unconditionally and sees me as beautiful.  Every kid deserves that from their mothers, and it’s a damn shame that so few fat kids seem to get it. 

Thank you, Mom, for loving and accepting ALL of me.

Misc Food Stuff

Wednesday & Thursday Food & Exercise:

Exercise: Didn’t make it to the gym either day, which really bugs me.  I hate missing 2 days in a row.  But I was busy with work and we’re having record-breaking heat all week.  It’s just so hard to force myself to go in and work up a sweat only to walk outside into 100 degree temps.  But enough whining – I’m getting back on track as of today.

Breakfast both days: Bowl of Quaker Oatmeal Squares w/ Silk Vanilla Soy Milk PLUS Fiber

“For My Health” foods both days: Glass of red wine, 3 dark Hershey’s Kisses

Wed. Lunch: Same as Monday dinner – ham and havarti cheese on whole wheat barillo roll, plus a handful of reduced-fat Cape Cod potato chips. 

Wed. Dinner:  Same Asian Chicken Salad that I’ve mentioned in a previous post.  Cubed chicken breast sauteed in Reduced Fat Asian Toasted Sesame dressing on top of baby spinach leaves, mandarin oranges, and chow mein noodles tossed in more of the same dressing.  This salad rocks and even my 10 year old yells, “Yay!” when she hears this is for dinner.  Ice cream sandwich for dessert.

Wed. Snacks: Hummus & garlic bagel chips.  2 slices White Wheat toast w/ ICBINB light olive oil spread.  Plus lots of Crystal Light to drink.

Thursday lunch: Enchilada platter from Salsaritas.  1 steak, 1 shrimp, 1 chicken enchilada (very small ones), plus rice, black beans, and a few tortilla chips.

Thursday dinner: 2 all-beef hotdogs w/ buns, vegetarian baked beans, baked fries.  Ice cream sandwich.

Thursday snacks:  Hummus & garlic bagel chips.  Black Pepper Triscuits w/ 2% cheddar cheese.

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Thursday just wasn’t a good food day.  I didn’t enjoy much of anything I put in my mouth.  I tried the new Salsarita’s in town and I wasn’t impressed.  I love Mexican, and I especially love the “make the burrito in front of you” type of Mexican places.  Two of them – Barbaritos and Moe’s – are on my weekly eating-out schedule (because of kids night/kids eat free specials). And at both those places I’ve managed to find healthy-eating choices that aren’t so meat-centric. (At Moe’s I order the tofu.) But Salsarita’s – at least what I ordered – just wasn’t that good.  There were a few things on the menu that looked appealing, however. And since I still have lots of coupons for them, I’ll probably give them another try.

 Dinner was kinda blech, too.  I’m just not a hot dog fan – never been one, even as a kid.  They’re edible to me, but nothing I’d ever go out of my way to eat.  Howver, eating them makes me think there’s some truth to obesity being a larger problem among the poor, and being related to cheap, fattening food.  We’re not poor, but we definitely have a grocery budget.  And Costco had a coupon off BallPark beef franks that brought them to a too-low-to-pass-up price.  4 meals worth of meat for my family (assuming 2 hot dogs per person, per meal), for less than $1.50 per meal.  So we’ll be eating hot dogs at least 3 more times in the coming weeks.  Joy. 

I actually felt a little sick last night, after so much meat all day.  Having not a single serving of veggies (except the baked beans, which I don’t count) didn’t help, either.  That’s actually the first time I’ve done that in almost 2 months. The way their absence made me feel tells me I’m doing something right.

I tried the new V8 Fusion drink the other day.  Blueberry Pomegranate flavor.  The “hook” is that it’s a full serving of fruits AND a full serving of vegetables in every glass.  Ick.  I could taste the veggies under the fruits and the combo wasn’t at all appealing.  And it smelled like tomato juice to me – not something I want to smell when I’m supposed to be tasting blueberries.   My daughter and her friend liked it, though, so I let them have all they wanted.  (Although, at $3.30 a bottle, that was a rather expensive snack for them.)   Next time I’ll just stick to plain old regular V8, which I’ve always enjoyed. 

I’ve had a similar problem trying to find other fruity drinks I like.  Since I started eating healthy and pretty much gave up soda (unless eating out, and usually not even then), I’ve tried to branch out from just Crystal Light and water.  So far, I haven’t had much luck.  I like Snapple Diet Lemon Tea and Diet Cranberry Raspberry, but that’s it.  I tried their Diet Plum-a-Granate and couldn’t drink it.  Ditto for Fuze Green Tea & Pomegranate (that stuff was just foul).  Didn’t care for Lipton’s bottled Green Tea drinks, either.  I’m even picky about the varieties of Crystal Light I’ll drink.  In the “on the go” flavors (that you mix w/ bottled water), I only like Cherry-Pomegranate and Lemon Iced Tea.   The Berry flavor was disgusting.  In the mix-in-the-pitcher flavors, my favorite is Raspberry Ice.  (I actually buy the WalMart knock-off brand because it’s half the price.)  The Lemon Iced Tea is ok – it’s drinkable.  Ditto with the Cranberry (but it’s so strongly flavored compared to other varieties).  Barely passable is Peach Tea and Lemonade – I save those for when I’ve run out of everything else.  I really do wish I could find other, moderately-priced, sugar-free drinks (or juice drinks) that I enjoy – my search continues.

Doctors

Tuesday Food & Exercise:

Treadmill, 30 mins, 2.4 mph

Breakfast: Bowl of Quaker Oatmeal Squares w/ Silk Vanilla Soy Milk PLUS Fiber

Lunch: 1/2 package Starkist Hickory Smoked Flavored Tuna, about 1 c. 2% cottage cheese, Fire Roasted Tomato & Olive Oil Triscuits.

Dinner: Moe’s burrito-in-a-bowl:  Rice, black beans, marinated tofu, shredded cheese, pico de gallo.  Tortilla chips (about 1/4 of the basket meant to serve 1), salsa.  Water w/ lemon.

Misc for my health: Glass of red wine. 3 dark Hershey’s kisses (I’ve read moderate amounts of dark chocolate can help lower BP, so I’m going to make this a daily thing along with the wine.)

Snacks: Hummus & garlic bagel chips, ice cream sandwich.

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Like a lot of fat people, I hate going to doctors.  Too many times in the past, they’ve given me a quick up-and-down look, then laid any and all problems on my weight.  It’s insulting, it’s frustrating, and it’s bad medicine.  I want to be treated like any other patient, regardless of what the scale says. 

 I still remember as a little kid, the pediatrician looking down my throat and calling my mother over to see, “There it is!  Look at that appetite!”  Ha ha.  Hysterical.  Even as young as I was, I knew what humiliation felt like.

Then there’s the asshole who “treated” me for a respiratory infection when I was in my teens.  Our regular family doctor – a gentle, soft-spoken man – was on vacation and all his patients were referred to this other jerk.  He started berating me for my weight from the get-go, as soon as he’d taken my blood pressure.  It was high, you see.  Nevermind that I had no history of high blood pressure, and I had been taking decongestants, which are known to elevate blood pressure.  (Which he should have known as a doctor, even if we didn’t at the time.) No, it was because I was fat and my mother and I were “kidding ourselves” if we thought it wasn’t a “serious problem.”   He grudgingly wrote me a prescription to clear up my respiratory infection, which he handed to my mother along with a sheet detailing a standard, grapefruit, salad and broiled chicken 1,000 calorie-a-day diet.

 Then there’s the guy I see now for my blood pressure.  (I never had high blood pressure until I got pregnant, by the way – even though I’ve been fat my whole life.  Pregnancy Induced Hypertension, it’s called. Unfortunately I kept it after delivery, which happens in about 1/3 of the cases – even skinny ones.)  Anyway, I’m tempted to give this particular doctor a little more slack than others for a couple of reasons.  He’s been very good to me, money-wise.  I had some insurance problems early on and he didn’t bill me for months and months, until they were sorted out.  He also gives me free samples of drugs when he can, which has saved me quite a bit.  Also, he’s not from this country, so I think there might be a bit of a language barrier – he may be coming off more brusque and tactless than he would if English were his native language.  And lastly, I think he just naturally has a rather grim, humorless sort of personality – the exact sort I don’t know how to deal with, since I’m talkative and outgoing and always try to diffuse every situation with humor.   But still, he really pisses me off.

When I mentioned the article I’d read (in his office!) about dark chocolate helping to naturally lower BP, he said, “I wouldn’t recommend that for you.  You would binge on the chocolate and gain more weight and be worse off.”  Or something like that – but “binge” and “gain more weight” were definitely featured.  And that truly insulted me – his assumption that, because I’m fat, I must be a binge eater. And, because I’m fat, I must have no control over myself around chocolate.  Funny, but as I was reading the article, I was thinking to myself that it would be awfully hard to eat the daily 3 ounces of dark chocolate that the test subjects ate.   It just seemed like an awful lot to me. (I love chocolate THINGS – desserts and such – but I’m not big on plain ol’ chocolate.)  Also, I’m not a binge eater.  I never have been.  And if I were, chocolate would be near the bottom of the list of foods I’d binge on (cheese and fresh bread being near the top).  So his bullshit, stereotypical assumptions just pissed me off all the way around because they were so far removed from the truth. 

As I briefly touched on in an earlier entry, he even managed to take all the joy out of what should have been a good test result.  My “bad” cholesterol is 90 – a fantastic number by all accounts I’ve been able to find.  But he didn’t even crack a smile, offer congratulations, or anything – he just said, “I’d like to see it below 70.”  Even his questions sounded accusatory – “How’s your diet?”  I told him about my attempts to eat whole grains, veggies, fish, etc., and to avoid fried foods, heavily processed foods, etc.  His response was, “Is there room for improvement?”  Well DUH.  Of course there’s room for improvement.  There’s room for improvement in almost everything, isn’t there?  But that isn’t the point – I just told you about the healthy way I’m eating and you didn’t even acknowledge it, you just brushed right by it and not-so-tactfully told me I wasn’t trying. 

 I guess I’m just feeling very frustrated by the medical community right now.  No matter how well I do on tests, no matter how good my other medical “stats” look, there are still going to be doctors who judge my health (and everything else about me) just based on my weight and nothing else.

Identifying Problems

Sunday & Monday food & exercise:

Sunday exercise: Treadmill, 30 mins. 2.4 mph

Monday exercise: Nada, except for traipsing all over super WalMart to get my grocery shopping done

 Sunday Breakfast: Bowl of Raisin Bran Crunch w/ Silk Vanilla Soy Milk PLUS Fiber

Sunday Lunch: My favorite healthy-eating-out meal in the world.  Char-Grilled Salad from Barbaritos, hold the fried shell and made with spinach instead of lettuce.  Ingredients as follows:  Baby spinach leaves, black beans, grilled steak, shredded Monterey Jack cheese, fresh pico de gallo, spicy chipotle ranch dressing on the side (I use about 1/2 the little 2 oz cup, so about 1 oz).   I intend to try it with chicken instead of steak, and fat-free balsamic dressing next time.   Few chips w/ salsa.  Water with lime wedges to drink.  (Water with lime tastes so much better than water with lemon.  I wish more restaurants had this option.)

Sunday Dinner: Grilled lemon-pepper marinated chicken breast, sauteed spinach, rice.  Ice cream sandwich for dessert.

Sunday snacks: Hummus w/ garlic bagel chips.  Bowl of cottage cheese with Fire Roasted Tomatoes and Olive Oil Triscuits.   Plus lots of Crystal Light to drink all day. 

Monday Breakfast: Bowl of Raisin Bran Crunch w/ Silk Vanilla Soy Milk PLUS Fiber

Monday Lunch: Salad made at home with spinach, leftover grilled chicken from Sunday night, shredded cheddar cheese, and Tomato-Bacon dressing.  Ice cream sandwich.

Monday Dinner: Glass of red wine (finally found one I like, although I’m embarrassed to name the brand because it’s really more Hawaiian Punch than wine.) Sandwich made with deli ham, havarti, spicy mustard on whole wheat barillo roll.  Cape Cod reduced fat potato chips. 3 fudge-striped shortbread cookies for dessert.

Monday snacks:  Hummus & garlic bagel chips. Individual box of yogurt covered raisins.   And lots of Crystal Light to drink all day.

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My main dietary goals are these:  Eat as much whole grains, fruits and veggies as I can stand. Drink as much water as I can tolerate (in my case, this means mostly Crystal Light.) Incorporate more vegetarian meals and more cold-water fish (salmon, tuna) into my diet.  Eat less red meat.  Eat less refined carbs. Pay attention to my fat intake, especially trans fats.  And on those occasions that I can’t eat healthy, make sure I eat GOOD.  In other words, don’t blow it for a Ho-Ho I won’t enjoy all that much in the first place – make my transgressions memorable in their excellence. 

 This non-anal, non-disordered-eating food diary has already helped me identify some patterns I’d like to change.  Number one, I reach for carbs way too often.  That’s just my first thought when I need a snack – and usually, it’s what I have most of in the house.  Now as much as I’d like to be, I’m just never going to be a snack-on-fruits-and-veggies person.  It’s just not in my taste buds – hell, it’s taken me all of my childhood and most of my adult life to get to like any veggies at all.  And I’m still not fond of most fruits.  But I’d like to try keeping protein snacks around – perhaps nuts and low-fat cheeses to start.  (Although I have concerns about total caloric intake, especially with the nuts.  It’s just so easy to eat half a can before you notice they’re gone, and I’m not big on pre-measuring portions.)  The other dietary habit I’d like to disrupt is the amount of red meat I eat.  I never really thought it was that much until I started keeping track of it.  Ideally, I’d like to get down to no more than 3 servings per week.  Lastly, I need to watch my sodium intake.  The doctor noticed my BP was up on Friday, when I’d downed a Chinese meal the night before.  Eating out is probably my biggest downfall in this regard, and also probably the hardest to change.

HDL

Friday & Saturday food & exercise:

Friday exercise: treadmill, 30 mins, 2.4 mph

Saturday exercise: skipped gym – that means I’ve only been twice this week (Monday & Friday), which is the least I’ve been since I joined. Got to get back on my regular schedule.

Friday Breakfast: Bowl of Raisin Bran Crunch w/ Silk Vanilla Soy Milk PLUS Fiber.

Friday Lunch: The rest of the cold poached salmon and orzo/feta/asparagus pasta salad, leftover from Wednesday night. I only ate about 1/2 the salad, though – it was just too strong for me.

Friday Dinner: Shane’s Rib Shack to celebrate my little camper’s homecoming. (She specifically asked for ribs.) I ordered their full rib platter and wrapped up half to go. So I ate: 1 slice Texas toast, 1/2 rack baby back ribs, 1/2 large collard greens, 1/2 large baked beans (I would estimate their large portion to be about 1 cup, so I ate about 1/2 cup of each).

Snacks: Baked Tostitos and peach-pineapple salsa, lots of Crystal Light to drink all day.

Saturday Breakfast: Bowl of Raisin Bran Crunch w/ Silk Vanilla Soy Milk PLUS Fiber

Saturday Lunch: The other half of Friday’s dinner – 1/2 rack of baby back ribs, 1 slice Texas toast, 1/2 cup each of baked beans and collard greens.

Saturday Dinner: Baked chicken, mashed potatoes, corn. Ice cream sandwich for dessert.

Snacks: Hummus & garlic bagel chips, 2 slices White Wheat toast w/ ICBINB light olive oil spread. Lots of Crystal Light.

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As I mentioned in my last post, my HDL (good) cholesterol is too low. (My LDL – bad – cholesterol is great.) As I mentioned, my doctor put me on a Niacin supplement and suggested I start drinking red wine daily. Alcohol has been shown to raise good cholesterol levels. Any sort of alcoholic drink will work, but red wine has other health benefits so I guess that’s why he specified it. Today I went to the local wine shop and talked to the lady there. I told her my dilemma and asked for her recommendations. She recommended 2 reds as “starter wines for people who don’t like red wine” because they were supposedly light and fruity. Well, I brought them home and tried them both tonight – and I’m officially going on record as having tried. I just don’t like red wine. And, with the exception of Sangria, don’t think I ever will. I couldn’t even choke down half a glass of the 2 she’d chosen for me – to me, they were like drinking vinegar. I had a brief thought of making them into Sangria, and even looked up recipes on the internet, but they all called for OJ and I didn’t have any. Also, I figure if I’m going to make Sangria, I can use much cheaper wines than I had bought. So I’m just going to take them back to the shop tomorrow – the lady told me to do just that if I tried them and just didn’t like them. So I guess I’m going to either make Sangria w/ a cheap red, or skip the wine altogether and just go for a nightly HDL-raising cocktail.

The niacin supplement my doctor gave me has caused mixed results so far. I’d heard of Niacin flush, and read on the package how to minimize it, which I did. (Don’t take on an empty stomach, take with a low-fat snack, take at bedtime, avoid hot drinks, alcohol and spicy food around time of dosage, and take aspirin or ibuprofin 30 minutes before dose.) And I had no Niacin flush at all – not one bit. I just slept through the night as normal. But last night was a different story. Again, I followed all the directions to minimize the flush. I took the pill a little before midnight and probably turned off my TV and went to sleep around 1am. At 3am I was woken up because I was so hot I – groggily – thought there was a fire. Becoming more coherent and realizing it must be the Niacin didn’t make it any more pleasant. When I say hot, I don’t mean like being in an overheated room – I mean like standing directly in front of a roaring fireplace and feeling the heat just baking on your skin. My whole body felt like that, with tingly skin and a faint stomach ache. It didn’t last long, and I was able to fall back to sleep without much trouble, but I’m so not on board for nightly repeats of this. I’ve searched the net and haven’t come up with any more ideas on how to avoid this – it appears I’m already doing what I’m supposed to do. And the non-flush varieties of Niacin apparently don’t work nearly as well.

Damn, I was so happy that my LDL cholesterol was low because lowering it seems like such a major ordeal. But now I’m not so happy that I “just” have low HDL, because it seems like raising it is going to be just as much a pain in the ass.

Bloodwork

Thursday food & exercise:

Busy day, didn’t make it to the gym.

Breakfast: Bowl of Raisin Bran Crunch w/ Silk Vanilla Soy Milk PLUS Fiber

Lunch: Backyard Burgers Hawaiian Chicken Sandwich on whole wheat bun (grilled chicken dipped in teriyaki sauce, w/ grilled pineapple ring).  I finally got to try their Salsa & Cheese baked potato and it was every bit as good as I’d hoped.  (Just a baked potato topped with salsa, shredded cheddar, and chives. )

Dinner:  A friend and I got together for a movie and Chinese takeout.  I had a combo dinner of Beef & Broccoli, chicken fried rice, and an eggroll. 

Snacks: 1 Fiber One peanut butter granola bar, handfull of Cape Cod reduced fat potato chips.

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I got the results back from my bloodwork today and I’m reasonably happy.  My LDL cholesterol is great – 90.  Although my doctor, grim and humorless, said he’d like to see it below 70.  He can suck it – every single article & chart I’ve seen says 90 is in the “Optimal” range.  Heck, I’m even well below the “near optimal” range of 100 – 129, and way the hell below “borderline” of 130 – 159. My HDL cholesterol is too low, though – 28.  He put me on some Niacin supplement to raise it, and also recommended drinking red wine.   However, since I’m not particularly fond of red wine (besides Sangria), I’ll probably just make do with a nightly cocktail.  Everything I’ve read says 1 – 2 drinks (ANY alcoholic drinks) per day will significantly raise HDL.   One other minor bloodwork point – my fasting blood sugar was 1 point above normal, into the “borderline” zone.  Normal is 70 – 99, mine was 100.  It could be just a fluke – I’ve always had normal blood sugar before – but it still bears watching.  The idea of diabetes scares the shit out of me.